One Of Those Mornings

Its one of those mornings. I feel like going to bed and falling asleep and never waking up. That is the best way to describe it. I have not had one of these mornings in a while... but today is one of those mornings.

I just cannot bear the thought of taking one more useless breath or living one more meaningless day. I have so many pains in so many random places at random times and I am sick of complaining. I want to keep it all in and suffer quietly so I dont come off as a whiner or a baby. But thats just not me. I am tired of feeling like a burden and a waste of space.

So, one more morning waking up unrefreshed, unrested, and uninterested in living this day... I feel like going back to bed and never waking up. Its one of those mornings...

Steadfast - A Prayer

Father I know and believe this is where I'm meant to be
You alone know the path I will take, the road I am on
I can only follow blindly, reaching out for Your hand
Steadfast and committed to this plan I believe You believe
I have watched and heard as evil beckoned me to follow
I have, still do take part in these battles against the enemy

Against the dark that never brightens, the wound that never heals
I have wished upon a star for the courage to end this
To feel the sweet oblivion that calls out my name, softly
Still You have brought me back to life numerous times, I know
With promise of a purpose and a meaning, life's beginning
Times will come, and they have, when doubt creeps in deeply
Like the blackest waters, flowing through the cracks
Through dark corners I've neglected, forgotten to seal up

Doubt transforming into anger, hardens everything within
Transforming also into complacency, denial, and regret
Father I pray against the seeping doubt and all it becomes
Draw me close, remind me to be still, to know who You are
To know Your plan for me is sacred, although cloudy
When I'm feeling lost in the haze with nowhere to rest
May You bring me your peace and show me Your way
Father I know and believe this is where I'm meant to be

If That Mockingbird Don't Sing

I have not met you, but I adore you

You are my soul's completion, my muse

Your soft, smooth skin is beauty in my hands

Warm and fresh, your hair begs to be touched

What I would give for the chance, right now

To run my fingertips through the silken strands 

On your tiny, fragile head, full of possibilities

Full of innocence and newness, a blank canvas

To coat and decorate with all of life's colors

Some will be bright and happy, others dark and sad

I vow to be there, as long as our Father allows

To share the joy and the pain of all of your colors

Whether you come from my womb or another

You will come from God and will be a part of me

Your presence is here already, all around me

You're a part of my heart and my soul for always

I know there will be times when you will cause me pain

Heartache, worry, jealousy, and loneliness

But through all of this I promise you will remain

In everything I say and do, just as you already are

You are the future I yearn for, pray for, fight for

I can already see your smile inside of my mind

Such a precious, beautiful gift like rays of heaven

So hold tight, my little love... in patience I await

The day when I will meet you, hold you, and love you

And this life will finally feel complete

To Love Manifested, With Love

Transformation, Reconciliation

Transformation is coming
I can feel it in the wind
I can feel it in my bones
Cool and soft like a breeze
This will be a year of change
For the better, moving up
A rebirth, a reconciliation
With the self that I had lost
Realizing those I'm with
Are not what makes me me
But deep inside, my soul
My depth is what I am
Not a trendy, girly, fake
This has been awakening
My self is clawing from within
Crying out to be released
Transformation, reconciliation
These are my words of 2011, part 2
The year of finding me again

All I Need Without You

Okay so... odd as this is, it came into my mind and out of my pen/keyboard as a rap song, more or less. Take it as a poem or as a song, but when I read it I can hear the beat. Hopefully you can hear it too


I don't understand why it has to percolate, escalate into

Something angry, accusatory, selfish is the word of the day

Love and kindness, turned to violence, frustration

Here's the secret, nothing to it, sing the next verse...

All I need is you
There's nothing in this damned world worth trying for,
Worth crying for, worth dying for
Without you

All consuming, the need to be right, need to be heard

The longer this silence, penetrates and consumes another day

Shit, none of this makes sense to me anymore, four

More minutes till I retreat, hide away all the pain and sing...

All I need is you,
There's nothing in this world worth trying for
Worth crying for, worth dying for
Without you

What else can we say? Going in circles day after day

An uppercut here, a low blow there, how can this be fair?

I can't grasp this, who can mask this? Tears and fears

Here's the secret, something to it, sing the last verse...

All I need is you
There's nothing in this world worth trying for
Worth crying for, worth dying for
Without you

One more breakdown, one more night on the couch

Maybe we'll return to this place, down on our knees

We'll cry out for His grace and the strength to see

Compassion, listening, your side and mind, singing...


All I need is you
There's nothing in this world worth trying for
Worth crying for, worth dying for
Without you

All we need is You
There's nothing in this life worth trying for
Worth crying for, worth dying for
Without You