Honey, I'm Home

Shotgun at the ready, cocked and loaded
Thinking about doing away with these plans
Thinking of letting loose and letting go
Shooting holes in white picket fences
Giving up like a good quitter should
No more wishing and hoping and thinking and praying
For something that may never come to pass
And why should it? Why me over you?
I surely don't deserve any more than I have
But maybe there's a small chance that I do
But is what I deserve truly what I want?
Do I even know what I want anymore?
Wanting and needing
Thinking and knowing
Don't always mesh, don't always work
Who am I to decide? Just a vessel, I suppose
My own best friend, my own worst enemy

In reality, just a coward inside
My thoughts, feelings, and plans
A more bold and exciting version of me
Exists on the flip side of this person I've become
But reality spins me full circle again
Never follow through, never take a stand
So I'll carefully slide it back into the holster
Warm on my hip, it sleeps and waits
For my mind is a carousel, spinning in circles
Each thought passes round, then gone in flash
But you can be sure, it will return again
In one revolution of this torturous ride
Where the music stops, the thoughts subside
Nobody knows, so I sit and stare
My mind spinning around and around
Right before my bloodshot eyes