Life In A Blur

These yearnings and hesitations keep fighting one another for a compromise that seems impossible. Perfectionism and laziness lock horns and keep me sedentary. A losing battle, a hopeless cause, confusing and consuming, I cannot stand it any longer. Others start to notice and point out the lack of change. What if this never goes away? What if that never comes to pass? One day all the yesterdays will catch up with me, then I'll be old and disappointed, disheartened, disenchanted... with nothing to show for myself except a lifetime of what ifs and somedays, stuck in a rut, making excuses, hiding behind or running away from failures that were never given a chance to fail. Each second turns to hours, which multiply to months, and soon a decade has gone by like a tornado... never saw it coming and now it's gone. Life... such a complicated, frustrating, exciting, depressing word. Is it a blessing or a curse? Who is really living it? When will it end or begin... and will I know the difference? Blurring fantasy with reality, today with yesterday... not knowing how to make distinctions needed in order to do something so simple. To live and breathe, just to make it through... one day at a time