Reflect (Seek and Ye Shall Find)

Did you ever look in the mirror and wonder who exactly it is that you see?
Truly, honestly wonder who you are, what you've become?
Do you see a mother? Do you see a wife? A sister? A waitress? A teacher? A Christian? A friend?
Or do you simply see the reflection of a body, a face?
Do you see the hairs out of place? Do you notice the dark circles of sleepless nights?
The superficial lines of laughter and joy, or the scars and marks of painful past?

What is it that defines our sense of self?
What is it that makes our reflection any different than another?
Does the soul inside shine through our eyes?
Does our job or career come out in our movements and expressions?
Does our role in family's lives translate into the picture we see before us?
Where can our purpose and true self be found? Is it truly something that we can see in the mirror?

Define mirror:

1. highly reflective surface: a surface, e.g. glass or polished metal, that reflects light without diffusing it so that it will give back a clear image of anything placed in front of it
2. something accurately representing something else: something that accurately reproduces, describes, or represents something else
3. reflect something in surface: to reflect something clearly in a surface

A highly reflective surface... Time spent in prayer, reflecting on ourselves may reveal another image than the one we see in that mirror

Reflects light without diffusing it so that it will give back a clear image of anything placed in front of it... In prayer and in life, reflecting God's light and love without diffusing it so that it will give back a clear image of His truth to others. Do we always truly see a "clear image" of ourselves when placed in front of our mirrors in life?

Something accurately representing something else... Now this one feels most familiar to me. Representing something else... the person I see in the mirror does not feel like me. It is representing me, but not always in the way that I want to be represented

Reflect something in surface... Surface. On the surface sometimes what we see is something completely separate from what is truly there, inside. But how do we break through the surface, without shattering the mirror to pieces?

Where am I?
Is this surface reflection something accurate or just something accurately representing something else?
Am I reflecting? Am I giving back a clear image of light?
Where am I within this sheet of glass, within this fragile uncertainty?
How long until the glue gives way, until these shattered pieces turn to dust?

Twenty-Eleven

Dark and dreary raindrops of bad news pour down over my spirit

Every once in a while the sun will shine it's brilliant face by surprise

Soon back to the soggy, sullen dawn as another rainy day begins

First two months of pain and bed-ridden miserable days alone

Next two months of injuries, illness, financial woes, and loss

Praying for a sunny day, for new blooms and green growth

Something, anything beautiful to prove this life is worth it

Shine on me, shine on them, bring new life and let's start again

May this year begin with May, healing and refreshment

This is me, crying out in prayer for the rest of this forsaken year

For Your love, for Your mercy, for Your breath of life and change

“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goes forth and weeps, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.” – Psalms 126:5-6

"My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" - Psalm 22:1

“The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know your name will put their trust in you: for you, LORD, have not forsaken them that seek you.” – Psalms 9:9-10

April Echoes

The day my future began

The birth of my soul's muse

The day God saw our life

The birth of this echoing love

The day something started

The birth of chaotic concerto

The day you took first breath

The birth of diamonds and coal

Such a blessing, unexpected

God's first brush strokes

On the canvas of our life

Foresight into this beauty

Amazing, exciting, tumultuous love

~~ For my love, my soul, my husband, my Gizmo~~

Barren

In the grey
Drops of water fall
From the sky
From the grey

But what to do when
Grey hangs over
But no droplets form
Dry and dark
Lost and broken

No way of expression
A stormy, humid mess
Thunder rolling
In the distance

Lightning tears through
Destroying dreams
Shedding light
In flashes
On hopes and plans
Unfulfilled

Blue skies disappear
The sun cowers

Helpless and lonely
The earth cries out
Withering, bleeding
But not a drop will fall

Pinwheel

Turning slowly in a cool Spring breeze

A night spent planning and laughing

Who knew this would be our last?

Barely spinning, stale summer sun

The ground cracks, dry and thirsty

Lonely and confused, I cry

Autumn winds swirl out of control

Everything moves so fast, so soon

Almost forgetting, in the change of it all

Frozen winter, no longer spinning

Family and holidays, a comfort

Yet a grim reminder of your absence

Spring returns, the wind still turns you

Green starts to grow over the pain

A lifetime in the flash of one year

Memories fill my soul, your smile fills my heart

I miss you so much, I think of you often

When I pass by Weidler, a flood of past

Holidays come and go, an emptiness lingers

You were the center, the common ground

We all go about the routines and traditions

But you are there in the back of our minds

I am so thankful for the things you taught me

The time you spent, the life you shared

Your selfless dedication to family and God

I will never forget you, I will always miss you

One year ago, I lost you in the flesh

But I will always hold you close to me

Until the day I can hear you sing again

M. Fern Amand

11/30/1925 - 3/24/2010

Stroke of Rebirth (Wk 1 Challenge)

So my Mom and I have started a weekly writing challenge together. Here is my first week's challenge:
Challenge was to write about new beginnings using the words: change(s), refresh(ed), simple, new, begin(s/ings).



Fairy tale turned backwards
Saying goodbye to yesterday
Challenge to make it on her own

Days of grounded warmth
Giving way to weightless cold
Soles to scales, lungs to gills


A simple back and forth
Her fins press her body forward
Even as she tries to hold back

She can feel the water rushing
Leaving the past behind her
Transformation, cool and refreshing

Something new and wonderful
But deep inside she's terrified
Of solitary choices and changes

Some days she feels the end
Of who she thought she was
Of all she's been telling herself

Normal gets so comfortable
But she was meant for more
Beginning with a swim

A Shot of Anguished Indifference

Walls of white, personality hung by rusty nails
Songs turn in circles on the record player
Everywhere memories hang in the air
Like a musty, damp smell after the flood
Start the morning with absolut denial
Then try to make it through another day
Filling empty hours in bed with strangers
Finally the sun takes its leave for the night
Coat and cover the shame and hurt
A thin layer of beauty as deep as this skin
Night out with plastered smile and machismo
Sailing with the Captain on a sea of gold
Conversation as shallow as the glass in hand
Face down on Egyptian cotton, another salve
Tasteless candy easing pain for the moment
Soon cursed sun rises, as the blood pulses
Easier to stay, just give up and give in
Eventually up, searching for next distraction
Lost in something beyond your years
Fluid movement ahead, yet backward
This cunning snare tears holes deep within
As the days pass by, the rose petals fall
Until nothing by dries up thorns remain