Inside the Blue

Inside the blue
I wade and wander
Reaching out from within

Inside the grey
My eyes cloud over
Fog envelops all

Inside the white
I see a future
Blank canvas of hope

Inside the pink
Feminine freedom
I am a child again

Inside the green
A chance to change
And just to be, exist

Inside the black
Spiraling darkness
Comfort in this place

Inside the yellow
You are my sunshine
New decisions bloom

Inside the brown
Dirty and mindless
I'm covered in shame

Inside the orange
Tempers flaring
Fire burns much deeper

Inside the red
A silent yearning
Pounding in my skull

Inside the blue
I return to this
My cold, pure truth


For inside of me
The colors blur
They fade in and out

Inside this palette
Someday, I believe
I may just find myself

Something Special

Its in a look, a glance, shared and understood
It's in a smile, a tear, landing in a common pool
It's in the laughter, the love, cherished together
It's in the sights, the smells, things that made home
It's in a feeling, a heartache, burning deep within
It's in your eyes, your heart, memories we hold
It's in the knowledge, the comfort of tomorrow
It's in a place where we will finally meet again

Slight of Hand to Mouth

Colder, darker, deeper, farther
from the truth, from the past
present, future heartaches
headaches, beating, burning
fire licks the night skies, stars
aligning, creating works of art
gallery of pain, vulnerable
new, fresh hurt and scars
remain in place, forever
always there to remind us
memories, scraps of life
death, falling down and out
to sea with crashing waves
of nausea, of anxiety for now
today, a choice to move along
the winding road to nowhere
nothing, something, anything at all
in all that's taken from me, writing
poems, lyrics, stories from within
without another look behind
in a rearview mirrored self
closer than appears, I'm here

Over It

Over and under and all about
Wandering, weaving in and out
Searching and staring above and below
Pacing, discerning, to stay or to go
Coming and going, here and there
Empty, blank and bewildered stare

What is this place? Where am I?
Jump up, lie back down with a sigh
A dream or a nightmare, reality calls
At last say goodbye, pull over the palls
For this place has become a prison cell
No tears, no regrets, no note of farewell
Just a faint imprint on the pillowcase
Too exhausted with life to finish the race

Don't waste another second on her
Take your steps away, up and over
For tomorrow will erase all memory
Of the dream that never came to be

Any Someone Else

I'm not better than anyone else
I just know better than someone else
I'm not prettier than anyone else
I'm just more real than someone else
I'm not more Christian than anyone else
I just feel Christ more than someone else
I'm not healthier than anyone else
I'm just more conscious than someone else
I'm not happier than anyone else
I just live differently than someone else

I'm not like anyone else
I'm just more me than someone else

I'm unapologetically, indescribably, frustratingly, mind-numbingly, self loathing, simply complicated me

Last Step

When your smile is fading, the light disappears
Where there's nothing but darkness, faces of fears
Staring and chasing you down as you run
Solace and peace in the form of a gun
But what lies beyond this seeming escape
Dark shadows and demons begin to take shape
Can't help but wonder which fate is worse
The drama and pressure of chapter and verse
Or the torture of throwing this story away
All consuming fire making ashes of today
But tomorrow seems too hard to bear
When, little by little you've ceased to care
What lurks in wait, behind the other door
And whether this is all worth fighting for
A blanket of prayer has covered you
Until you decided you know not what you do

Written in the Stars

Folded and creased, as if this were not the first time
Eraser marks and water stains leave memories of pain
Couldn't even articulate my feelings in my last moments
Seem like such a failure, such a disappointment to all
Words wont even flow when these are my final ones
So let the silence speak its volumes, if it wishes
Take from this what you will, or turn away and forget
My time here like a firefly, flickers then seems to disappear
Forgotten within seconds, until another flicker shines
But in a meadow filled with fireflies, who will notice one?
For, like stars in the night sky, they all can look alike
While some shine brighter, others fade away into dark
And burning sunshine comes to scare them all away
So after one has gone, the light will bring warmth again
People become only memories and life goes on
A melancholy portrait of the night sky, stars or souls
Who knows what became of those missing dots of light
Certain only that dawn will break and morning comes again