Silent Unrest

Here I lie, the darkness so close that I cannot find peace
Eyes wide open as though it were daybreak

But the sun has gone and silence haunts my soul
As my mind runs laps inside my aching skull
My heart pounding inside this weary chest
Every breath, a grim reminder of past and future
Staring back at me

Will morning come or will night prevail?
I cannot bear to look

I -- ignored, insignificant, invalid

Don't you see me?
Crying out from under
Layer on layer of icy snow
Cold, heavy and deep
Piercing screams from a place
Where nothing is shining
No sun, no light
Held down, almost crushed
Suffocating within
Can't you feel me?
Touching your face
Scraping the skin
Using every muscle, every effort
Vying for your attention
Just a glance, your love
Craving, wanting, yearning
Pressure is overwhelming
Torn like a rope, tug of war
Each strand takes its turn
Tearing, shredding, disappearing
Into the night, into the dark, into the cold
Ice and snow... Screaming and weeping
Eclipsed, empty and barren
My cotton throat raw and hollow,
Voided soul, vacant mind is blank

Then silence

Thankful - Day Five

Today I am thankful for coffee and cookies

(Late night +  6AM the next day) + (sugar + caffeine) = Awake despite all odds

Thankful - Day Four

Today I am thankful for choices...

It sometimes seems as though someone or something else
Is running life for you
Like a train on a track that keeps
Going in circles
Stopping when someone, somewhere presses a button
But we forget what strength we have inside
We don't know how we can break free
But somewhere deep within
There is a choice
A choice to go, a choice to stay
A choice to go in circles and a choice to go off track
There is a God given strength in us
Which often lies dormant
Because of ignorance and blindness

Open my eyes, let out that strength
Bring about the changes I need
Through the choices I am given
So I may choose tomorrow and today,
Rather than yesterday and years from now.

Thankful - Day Three

Today I am thankful for things unseen

So many beautiful things above you are missed
while you're busy looking down

Thankful - Day Two

Today I am thankful for family

Floating up above the world
Or falling down below
Emptiness around you
Feeling lost and alone
Unsure, shaken ground
Hurt, offended, broken.

A hand outstretched in love
To pull you back to earth
Support from every side
So you cannot fall too deep
Something to hold onto
Never letting go
Even when our bodies part
Together, one in soul

Thankful - Day One

Today I am thankful for mornings...

I do not recall yesterday unless forced
Only the new day, the fresh air
Possibilities and second chances
Bright white skies outside a window
Where only hours ago darkness shone
Cool warm mist like a shower
Washing away the mistakes and regrets
A choice to change my life today
For tomorrow's morning is unsure
In all its wide eyed glory
Morning may not wake
When next my eyes have closed
So for now I am thankful
Simply for today's morning